There’s something about Jason Statham that sets him apart from your average 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁ing machine. That the guy can actually act certainly helps, but there’s more to it than that: Statham has that unique ability to maintain his stone-faced demeanor in even the most ridiculous of circumstances, which is perfect because his characters are often called on to 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁 their victims in elaborately — often comically — brutal ways.
Vulture originally published this list in 2011, but Statham has racked up an even higher body count since then. In honor of his latest, this weekend’s Expend4bles, we’ve gone through Statham’s filmography and ranked our favorite 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁s. Here are the 24 least pleasant ways to be 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁ed by Jason Statham.
24.
The Friendly Blade (War, 2007)
Statham tosses you into your friend’s ax.
Available to rent or buy on AmazonAMAZON
23.
Jacques Kill-steau (The Mechanic, 2011)
Dressed in scuba gear, Statham lies in wait at the bottom of your pool, lures you down, then chokes you to death.
Available to stream on Pluto TVPLUTO TV
22.
The Flaming Chauffeur (Death Race, 2000)
Statham drops napalm on your car.
Available to rent or buy on AmazonAMAZON
21.
The Slide (Transporter 2, 2005)
Statham stabs you in the neck with the slide of your own gun.
Available to stream on HuluHULU
20.
Scope-Choke (The Mechanic, 2011)
Statham sticks a snake-scope camera down your throat, then plugs up your nose so that you can’t breathe.
19.
The Zap Stab (Crank 2: High Voltage, 2009)
Statham drives an electrified cattle prod through your torso.
Available to stream on NetflixNETFLIX
18.
The Plate-Jumper (Safe, 2012)
Statham slams you in the throat with a dinner plate, smashes you into a table, then leaps out a window with you, using your body to cushion his landing.
17.
A Terrible Accident (The Mechanic, 2011)
Statham sticks the pull-pin of a fire extinguisher in your face, then throws you from a bus and onto the street, upon which you are run over by a car.
16.
The Pipe Fitting (Transporter 3, 2008)
Statham beats you and your friend silly with a long metal pipe, then crushes you under a car lift.
Available to stream on PLEX and NetflixPLEX NETFLIX
15.
The Flying Scissor Toss (The Transporter, 2002)
Statham leaps in through the windshield of your speeding truck, grabs your neck with his ankles, and throws you onto the highway.
Available to stream on HuluHULU
14.
The Holy Knife (The Expendables 2, 2012)
Statham whacks you with a priest’s thurible to disarm you of your gun. When you come at him with a knife, he grabs your hand, uses it to slice off your accomplice’s hand and stab him, then turns it (your hand, still) to stab you.
Available to stream on Tubi and NetflixTUBI NETFLIX
13.
The Crush Cruise (Transporter 2, 2005)
Statham stuffs you through the porthole of a dry-docked boat, then knocks the boat over, crushing you.
12.
The Bartender (War, 2007)
Statham presses on your head until it goes through the bars on a broken door.
11.
Moby Dead (The Mechanic, 2011)
Statham harpoons you in the leg, snaps your neck, then uses you as a human shield.
10.
The Threesome (The Expendables, 2010)
Statham stabs you in the back of the neck, breaks your arm, then holds you in place while Jet Li snaps your neck with his foot.
Available to stream on Tubi and NetflixTUBI NETFLIX
9.
The Check-up (Crank 2: High Voltage, 2009)
Statham crushes your testicles with his bare hands, then jams a needle into your neck.
8.
The Railway Bracelet (Transporter 3, 2008)
Statham drives his car into your train, beats you to a pulp, ties an explosive device around your wrist, and blows you up.
7.
The Technical Suicide (Crank, 2006)
Statham hacks off your hand, then uses your own severed hand, which is holding your own gun, to shoot you in the head.
Available to rent or buy on AmazonAMAZON
6.
The Snap-Stab-Slice (War, 2007)
Statham breaks your arm and bends it back to stab your accomplice with your sword, then takes your sword and slices your neck open.
5.
Know When You’re Bait (Meg 2: The Trench, 2023)
Statham drop-kicks you off a pier as a giant prehistoric shark leaps out of the water and eats you.
In TheatersSHOWTIMES
4.
The Cerebral Dropkick (Crank 2: High Voltage, 2009)
Statham disconnects your severed-but-still-kept-alive head from its life-support system, spits in your face, then soccer-kicks it into a pool.
3.
The Stare (Revolver, 2005)
Statham just stares at you silently, intensely, until you freak out and blow your own brains out.
Available to rent or buy on AmazonAMAZON
2.
The Last Embrace (Crank, 2006)
Statham breaks your neck in midair as you both fall to your death from a helicopter.
1.
The Devil’s Haircut (The Expendables 2, 2012)
Statham punches your head into a helicopter’s tail rotor.
