Danny DeVito has spent more than five decades in the public eye, known for playing unforgettable characters like the Penguin in Batman Returns and Louie De Palma on Taxi. But the actor, now 81, has said the most important part of his life has been his long relationship with actress Rhea Perlman, a bond that began long before either of them was famous. The two met on January 17, 1970, at a small off-Broadway play in New York City called The Shrinking Bride. Perlman, then 22, had gone to see a friend in the cast.
Instead, she said she could not look away from DeVito on stage and approached him directly after the show. He has said he knew within 22 minutes of meeting her that she was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. Two weeks later, she moved into his apartment. At the time, DeVito was a struggling actor who had faced years of rejection.
Born in Neptune, New Jersey, in 1944, he grew up in a difficult home. His mother later said she had not wanted another child, and police were called to the family home at least 17 times between 1950 and 1955. He also lived with a rare genetic condition called Fairbanks disease, which affected his growth and caused chronic joint pain. He said he kept the condition private for decades because Hollywood told him weakness was not marketable.
Early in his career, DeVito was offered a large sum to undergo surgery to reshape his face to be more acceptable to mainstream audiences. He refused and burned the contract at a beach bonfire. His approach was consistent: “I’d rather be a first-rate version of myself than a second-rate version of someone else. ”
His friendship with actor Michael Douglas, whom he met while sharing a cheap New York apartment, eventually led to his breakout role.
Douglas, producing One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in 1975, insisted on casting DeVito as Martini despite the director’s initial resistance. The film won five Academy Awards and put DeVito on the map. In 1978, he turned down three movie roles to audition for the sitcom Taxi, taking a role that paid 40 percent less than his co-stars. The show became a hit.
Perlman found her own success on Cheers, playing Carla Tortelli and winning four Emmys. In the early 1980s, after 11 years together, the couple married quietly. They also built Jersey Films together, which went on to produce significant projects including Pulp Fiction, Erin Brockovich, and Garden State, while raising their three children. Their partnership extended behind the camera as well.
When DeVito directed Matilda in 1996, young star Mara Wilson was dealing with her mother’s illness. DeVito and Perlman quietly supported her, and DeVito arranged for a near-final cut of the film to be screened at the hospital so Wilson’s mother could see it before she passed. Wilson later described them as feeling like her favorite aunt and uncle. In October 2012, after 30 years of marriage and more than 40 years together, the couple announced their separation.
Perlman later acknowledged it was difficult, saying there were many reasons for the split. They reconciled within months and went to therapy together. They separated again in 2017 but never divorced. Perlman explained in 2018 that they had too much love and history to end the marriage formally.
Since then, they have maintained an unusual but close relationship. DeVito bought a house less than a mile from Perlman’s home. They talk daily, share a Netflix account, and regularly eat at the same restaurant table. In 2024, DeVito said they were doing great, describing them as a tight family who were all together for their daughter’s birthday.
In recent years, DeVito has become more open about his health struggles. He has said he donated over 12 million dollars to fund bone condition research anonymously, without attaching his name to the contributions. At 81, he continues to work, including on the long-running show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Reflecting on his relationship, DeVito has described their connection in simple terms, focusing on their children and grandchildren.
Perlman, for her part, has said she sometimes wishes they were still together because those were the glory days, but added that these are other kinds of glory days. The couple remains legally married and in contact every day, more than five decades after she walked into that small theater and chose him.
